So my man travels a lot! I never thought I would be in this situation where I would have to sit and wait and wait and sometimes longer than was told because his job was taking him somewhere else. For the first three years it was wonderful and fun welcome home parties and getting excited just thinking oh any minute he will walk through the door. Well this shit gets redundant and old fast. (three years is kinds slow).
He was happy that I could deal with all of his schedules and business. Who wouldnt be, happy a woman who is there and so happy when you return like a puppy (who has no knowledge of time or cares of what you are doing while you are gone only that you return) Pant pant! Well this puppy grew tired of being left alone and started ripping up the house maybe even his favorite slippers while he was gone. Analagies of course I never ripped up anything YET! but I’m getting tired of the trips without me and “Why cant I come”? hmm now a woman starts to get suspicious since she awoke from her dream state and the boat starts rockin’. With all of her friends and co-workers asking where does he go and why are you not invited? I would explain and explain then I ask myself wtf? Why cant I go with him…now the shit is hittin the fan. No more nice puppy, turning into a pit bull, so unbecoming!
So this time he comes home and if you know the is man he is a clean cut, clean shavin, perfect dressin’ mutha f*cker. He now comes home with one of those scruffy half shavin faces but trimmed impeccably. So I think hmmm, the last time he wore this look was when I told him to do so back when we first met, I mean the very week of our first meeting. So this puppy is smellin’ somethin fishy. I addressed this issue after two days of thinkin is he gonna shave that thing because he used to shave every morning. When men change their habits we women look at them and think hmm whats up with that, Right? Like when he starts going to the gym or eating different staying at the office later same old crap we have all heard and read about. We think the worst always dont we? Well, I asked him “who inspired you to wear your beard like that”? He was pissed… now thats a bad sign, but I have been suspicious before this because of all of the excuses not to take me to his home town in Germany this whole time (5years).
I know I am a story writer and I can come up with some doozies but woman have a sixth sense and men like to confuse us when we ask questions they don’t want to answer. This doesn’t sit well with me and I want to believe him like all women do cuz he’s so wonderful and full of integrity (I mean shit). He is handsome and tall gorgeous blue eyes and has a new found sense of self (thanks to me stroking his ego up and down mostly UP). My sis told me not to do that and I thought well I will do it instead of the other women. He travels alot and who knows what kind of stroking he needs while he’s away? We can fill in the blanks there cant we? I have always trusted him because of his integrity and the way he treats others and doesn’t lie in any business dealings that I have seen. I want so much not to feel this way…Its hideous to myself and makes a girl. woman, have low self confidence. But so does all of the exclusivity and not being a part of his “Other Life”. There comes a time when we have to put on a hat and put gum on our shoe and start the investigation…
I hate being jealous it makes us women look insane and insecure and no body wants to be in this position it is a low vibration but it is happening. He says he just didnt feel like shaving before he came home but it takes more time to trim and primp that thing then is does to shave it off. Now this is stupid to be having an issue with him shaving or not shaving. He is not one of those guys who gets up and doesn’t care about his appearance in fact its the other way around, too much. I guess I’m left writing stories to myself unless I get some concrete evidence that my insanity is really a form of sanity and taking the blinders off.
Maybe I need a vacation? I am left to my thoughts and my computer too much.
I will pretend I don’t care because trying to talk about it with men just gets you into a boondoggle and your mind isn’t satisfied with any explanation.
Comments are welcome!