Okay, here we are again in the month of LOVE I mean February (that I can never spell right). That dirty four letter word that men hate and women adore. Why is that? Men fear Love, it’s a four letter word that is synonymous with TRAP, BITCH, CASH (theirs not yours), ROPE, CHAIN oh thats five letters, alright you fill in the rest.
So how do you get him to simply adore you, to LOVE you? Shhh not so loud he will hear you. We have to do this on the sly, it’s a bit of trickery my dears.
Oh yeah, at first its all fun and games, then somebody wants to poke someone’s eye out.
I remember the texts filled with, I want you, I need you, I cant wait to be near you…5 yrs later..I get texts from crickets…actually barely any texts let alone LOVEY texts. It’s the “Hey did you fill out that paper I need”? text, or “I am too tired to talk, I will call you tomorrow” text… wink, wink.
LOVE is a PROJECT, a NASA TOP SECRET PROJECT. But you don’t have to work at NASA or in the government, or be a gum shoe to figure it out, just being a woman will suffice. Cuz we’re cool like that and we know how to manipulate situations, we have boobs and other awesome ammo. ;0
How do we keep those fires burning like an out of control Californian wild fire?
PRETEND! YES, that is my advice to all of my girls, ladies, women reading this. Because honestly, honesty doesn’t work. Bitching is what they hear when you open your mouth, unless you are going to put it to good use, hmm? Think about it. Yeah, singing, sing to him, he loves that.
After two years of a deep relationship talking things out never works unless you dangle your panties in front of him and he still cant hear what your saying, while drool is dangling from his mouth. Sad but true we are dealing with animals girls. I thought, not mine he is an intellect and he has a feminine side that is just like me. He was lying, guys can mimmick very well and for a time when they are in the hunt they will become your girlfriend. This is false advertisement as we clearly find out. But when time marches on and he no longer has to be a preditor because he has won his prey, we ask where did that emotional connection go? …He was faking it!
What about the REAL emotional connection like the one you get from meeting that girl in the ladies room in the two minutes while you were fixing your makeup, hair and straigtening out your panty lines. By the time you leave the bathroom you have laughed cried and told her your deepest fears about life and love, you probably exchanged numbers (you girls are weirdos, hey I’m a girl). You have just connected and made a new close friend all in the matter of 2.5 minutes. Thats a real connection try gettin that from a five year relationship with your man.
You know writers take liberties and I exaggerate for entertainment purposes. BUT agree with me that its hard to reach that part of your man’s left brain that is filled with compartments only other men can reach…so we’re fucked! Not so fast they need us and we need them no matter how we all deny it..God made this project and he is gonna see it through…damn it! Okay he left the building with ELVIS but gals, we can do this!
Back to Faking…Oh it is a built in mechanism that we can fake it. Everyone of us has and we will continue till the end of time. I mean in the relating part of the relationship too. Not just in the boudoir.
To get along with our Neanderthal (I mean Hunnie) just be nice…Yes its that simple. Okay PRETEND to be nice, its not that simple when you want to reach for that knife while his back is turned and stab him oh, at least thirteen to fourteen times in the neck. Stop yourself and think of the house payment or that kick ass new pair of $100.00 Jessica Simpson shoes you have to have. Put the knife down and smile at him your sexiest fakest smiles…he may know the difference but you know what they say Fake it till you make it!
Okay now that you have got it straight you are to be a lying, pretending, slut…we will continue our project on Monday…More tips to come
have a great weekend gals!
Your friend Tressalee