Archives

All posts for the month February, 2012

Trying on sexy clothes when your near 50

Published February 25, 2012 by tressalee

Disco Baller?

What the hell is going on and do I look that bad? Like a singer who cant carry a tune in a wheel-barrow on American Idol. The gal thinks she can sing but everybody else is snickering at her. This cannot be, I will so freak out. Look at Goldie Hawn, she’s always sexy her and her daughter share clothes she still wears fun stuff. Okay, she has $$ to get her face lifted and tummy tucked and she looks like she did when she was 30. I cant look that bad can I?? Tell me I’m not on American Idol making a complete ass of myself…I’m scared!

I went to try on some dresses for a Ball (BTW Who the hell goes to a Ball?… old people) So I’m thinking this dress has to be perfect. I had never gone to such a swaray before, ya know haughty taughty club (which I’m not scared) but I don’t want to completely look like a fool, whatever! I’m more the disco ball queen or even a pub and grub princess.

Yesterday Im at the mall picking out my potential gowns or “little black dresses” if you will. I popped my head out of the dressing room, yelling “Help, could someone zip and critique me in this dress”? Well I did that for twenty minutes or so and then a southern white woman said she would help, (she scared me) reluctantly she zipped me up and then gave me the upper lip and shook her head “Thats not working for you” she said. I thought it was a hot little number, blue sequened cut just to there. Very Disco Bally fun, okay maybe not for a stiff charity Ball, but I live life in the fun lane and tough if it offends people as long as it looks cool. But I must say her look and her critique was painful and I had second thoughts about my whole being. One nasty look can f*ck you up for the whole day.

I am turning fifty this year and can’t believe it myself.  I am fighting it tooth and high heels…(which I’m never giving up by the way you can’t make me)! Your ass falls down when you give those up, F*ck that!

I almost didn’t buy that dress and went to the old lady section where I reluctantly tried on frumpy frocks and almost killed myself…I cannot go there ever, please God don’t make me. So I went back to the juniors and got that blue sparkley number, that the bitch was probably jealous (I’m hoping) maybe she was telling the truth. What if it’s true and I am lying to myself and I get to the ball and people stare and I will feel like I’m in a naked school girl dream, remember those when you were little? It could happen for real. Like those women who look great from the back then they turn around and you’re like whoa grandma stop dying your hair its false advertisement. See just for saying shit like that it could be me and probably is. I am that singer on Amercan Idol, singing way out of tune and thinking I’m Sarah Brightman.

I will keep you informed, the Ball is tonight, do wear the blue or the frumpy grandma dress? Ha ha maybe I’ll drink wine first and nothing will matter by then…hehe

LIVE LAUGH LOVE LOUDLY…even if you make a dern fool of yourself have fun!

Wear the grandma dress?

didnt mention the red one

Tressalee

Advertisements

MEN…Should We trust them just because they say so?

Published February 22, 2012 by tressalee

So my man travels a lot! I never thought I would be in this situation where I would have to sit and wait and wait and sometimes longer than was told because his job was taking him somewhere else. For the first three years it was wonderful and fun welcome home parties and getting excited just thinking oh any minute he will walk through the door. Well this shit gets redundant and old fast. (three years is kinds slow).

He was happy that I could deal with all of his schedules and business. Who wouldnt be, happy a woman who is there and so happy when you return like a puppy (who has no knowledge of time or cares of what you are doing while you are gone only that you return) Pant pant! Well this puppy grew tired of being left alone and started ripping up the house maybe even his favorite slippers while he was gone. Analagies of course I never ripped up anything YET! but I’m getting tired of the trips without me and “Why cant I come”? hmm now a woman starts to get suspicious since she awoke from her dream state and the boat starts rockin’. With all of her friends and co-workers asking where does he go and why are you not invited? I would explain and explain then I ask myself wtf? Why cant I go with him…now the shit is hittin the fan. No more nice puppy, turning into a pit bull, so unbecoming!

So this time he comes home and if you know the is man he is a clean cut, clean shavin, perfect dressin’ mutha f*cker. He now comes home with one of those scruffy half shavin faces but trimmed impeccably. So I think hmmm, the last time he wore this look was when I told him to do so back when we first met, I mean the very week of our first meeting. So this puppy is smellin’ somethin fishy.  I addressed this issue after two days of thinkin is he gonna shave that thing because he used to shave every morning. When men change their habits we women look at them and think hmm whats up with that, Right?  Like when he starts going to the gym or eating different staying at the office later same old crap we have all heard and read about. We think the worst always dont we? Well, I asked him “who inspired you to wear your beard like that”? He was pissed… now thats a bad sign, but I have been suspicious before this because of all of the excuses not to take me to his home town in Germany this whole time (5years).

I know I am a story writer and I can come up with some doozies but woman have a sixth sense and men like to confuse us when we ask questions they don’t want to answer. This doesn’t sit well with me and I want to believe him like all women do cuz he’s so wonderful and full of integrity (I mean shit). He is handsome and tall gorgeous blue eyes and has a new found sense of self (thanks to me stroking his ego up and down mostly UP). My sis told me not to do that and I thought well I will do it instead of the other women. He travels alot and who knows what kind of stroking he needs while he’s away? We can fill in the blanks there cant we? I have always trusted him because of his integrity and the way he treats others and doesn’t lie in any business dealings that I have seen. I want so much not to feel this way…Its hideous to myself and makes a girl. woman, have low self confidence. But so does all of the exclusivity and not being a part of his “Other Life”. There comes a time when we have to put on a hat and put gum on our shoe and start the investigation…

I hate being jealous it makes us women look insane and insecure and no body wants to be in this position it is a low vibration but it is happening. He says he just didnt feel like shaving before he came home but it takes more time to trim and primp that thing then is does to shave it off. Now this is stupid to be having an issue with him shaving or not shaving. He is not one of those guys who gets up and doesn’t care about his appearance in fact its the other way around, too much. I guess I’m left writing stories to myself unless I get some concrete evidence that my insanity is really a form of sanity and taking the blinders off.

Maybe I need a vacation? I am left to my thoughts and my computer too much.

I will pretend I don’t care because trying to talk about it with men just gets you into a boondoggle and your mind isn’t satisfied with any explanation.

Comments are welcome!

Tressalee

 

Continued Love…

Published February 15, 2012 by tressalee

Does anyone care? Probably not but read on anyway…

ahh Love so sexy!

Ahh ! I laugh no body really wants to hear about Love. Breakups are more enjoyable to read about because who the hell is in new love for long?

It’s a roller coaster ride with relationships, it scary, then it’s fun and a lot of the time your not wearing your seat belt, so you get thrown off the ride. When do you hear of a woman controlling the ride? We are at the mercy of our man’s “Hmmm, do I stay or take the new kitty down the street for a ride”? I know it’s not always this way but for the most part we are the ones who lose our appetites, overeat, lay in bed for weeks or try to commit harry carry when they leave us.

Look at Demi Moore, okay she was, is a bitch, you can just tell by her cranky look on her face all the time. We can read body language right? Well, she is devastated by her breakup, I feel sorry for her because I was there too. Getting so skinny my skin was hanging off my ass. Married for shit, over 15 years to a man I think hated me, how sweet that was. I couldn’t help that I was smarter, cuter, and I could put in a whole kitchen by myself. Whats to love there huh? Never show a man you can do anything like that, then they won’t do anything “Let that bitch do it”. Nope be a damsel in distress, oh you know how to drive his mazerratti (dont tell ’em you can change the alternator in it). You don’t even know how to put gas in it, wink, wink.

It is fun when you meet that new man and all you can think of is doing your hair and picking out the perfect outfit for your date and how great sex is who needs food you live off adrenaline.  He texts lovey dovey crap and you die everytime you hear the text bell ring, you even scream a little inside when you know its him calling. Try to answer the phone in a calm manner when your voice starts to squeak because of shear joy compose yourself. Ahh! the days of wine and roses, if you remember that movie I think they become they become alcoholics and abuse the hell out of each other.

We are now almost at that stage, only I’m the alcoholic and abuser he tells me I’m insane and quite frankly my dear I believe him. Yes, the truth is out and guess what he still loves me. He’s a whacko as I am, we make a great couple. The relationship is never boring.

In the beginning he used to ask me “Hunny why don’t we ever fight? Well I fixed that right away. He asked for it, so I obliged his request. I remind him of that time he looks at me like “Why did I even ask”?. Remember ask and you shall receive it is a law of the universe.

We have so many memories of love and laughing our asses off at nothing just because. I still laugh at his stupid stuff, that’s when you know love is still alive. If you don’t laugh at his funnies… uhooo you are in trouble! If he can walk around in his white underwear pulled up to his chest with his sexy black socks on for your benefit, my love indicator says Yep, it’s true love.

Keep laughing and loving as best you can. Forgive if he means everything to you, unless he and that Kitty are going on rides together. Don’t give him a reason to go with Ms. Kitty.

LIVE LAUGH LOUDLY

Tressalee

How I Met My Love…

Published February 14, 2012 by tressalee

I met my Love where most people meet their love (well used to, until cyber dating took over) at the bar. I was working, he was watching.

The Germans came in everyday like clockwork. Oh they were a riot, so funny with their dry humor and so funny with their dry, tight wallets …Not! but we had to entertain them, since that was our job, getting them inebriated and then going in for the $$ kill.

One day these Germans brought in a tall chiseled faced young, hot, one. I had never seen him in their crowd before. Now he was somethin’ to look at. The others were older and a bit rounder, not cute enough for second looks. This ones energy was apparent, although he humbly sat in his seat while making fun of the girls. His first crack was “Do the girls all rent their shoes from the same place” (we’re in a strip club) and you know how if one girl gets a new pair of hot new stilettos the others follow imitation is the highest form of flattery (not in a strip club, could get one a black eye). I thought “he’s looking at their shoes”…hehe.

Just so happened that day my car had went KAPUTZ! I needed a ride home and wasn’t afraid to ask for one. So Mr Hottie was elected by a unanimous show of pointing fingers from his peers, he would be the one taking me home…YAY! I thought. He was nervous, until I offered him twenty bucks for the gas. He thought I was going to come on to him for $$ since we have a reputation for that kind of behavior. I could see the sweat beads on his forehead, it was the middle of January, after I revealed the truth. I was a just a regular gal tryin’ to get home to her kids  thats all. A cute stranger driving me home, doesnt happen often, so that was a plus.

After we reached my destination I gave him directions to get back to civilization. I lived way far out by winding lakes and far from the city. I added my phone number at the bottom of the napkin I had written on, just in case he wanted to do some Ballroom dancing…Thats what I loved to do on my time off from the other dancing job, yeah! go more dancing. I loved it! He had mentioned he would like to take some classes with me. I never thought twice about seeing him again since I was sort of off and on dating a loser at the time ya know how fun that is? Every girl does it and the sex is never that great with a narcissistic asshole. Face it we hate to be alone, so we will take the booby-prize in the interim.

Two weeks later, who calls well Mr Hot German guy. He had to do a complete work up on my history and stats before he attempted to call me back ( I learned this later). Plus he had to break up with some foreign nanny he was dating. Why are they all nannies?? Do we go over there country and nanny? I think it’s a ploy to get to America and sleep with our husbands, thats what they always do…Back to my story…

He brought his shoes and his cute tall self, we met at the dance club. Come to find out…He couldn’t dance for shit (our secret) maybe he thought he could. But he was funny enough for me to over look the three left feet, thats what it felt like since I was falling all over them. Maybe just falling for him…

Valentine Vampires...or chicklets?

Continued later…going to workout class

HAPPY V-DAY!

Tressalee

 

 

We’re all screwed up!

Published February 13, 2012 by tressalee

It’s funny how others can look at your life and think it’s so perfect and ask “How do you do it”? when inside I am asking “you takin’ ta me”? I’m as scared as the next guy, struggling with fears and childhood disasters that still linger no matter how many times I try to shut the door on them. They somehow keep one foot in so they can terrorize me when ever they feel like it. (I hate that, mommie)!

I don’t have any answers, I’m seeking everyday for some myself. I get up and check my email, watch a Wayne Dyer video check my horoscopes to get some guidance, try to resist the Facebook Follies until I cannot help myself from looking into the daily dirt. Then all I find is the same ole crap, people talking about themselves and nobody cares… nothing entertaining. Maybe I am a hard critic and find nothing stimulating because I am as depressed as the rest of the world. Yeah! I just pretend everything is great.

I do count my blessings definitely and then go to the counter where there are hundreds of vitamins and elixirs that are my daily regime  (which I am tired of BTW) it’s not fun taking all this stuff I’d rather eat a twinkie to tell ya the truth.

Next its ten o’clock gym class, if I have enough energy and my period hasn’t raped me of whats left of life. Oh well, protein shake down the hatch. I’m almost fifty and it seems to be not only a keep up with the body it’s now trying to put on muscle where it has worn off from sitting or laying or even standing. My muscles have completely left the room. WTF?

I remember my mom still looking gorgeous the November before she passed away. How do we deal with the ravages of stress on our minds and bodies?

here’s for the physical…

Amino acids for muscles

B-Vits for heart and energy

Minerals for everything

Calcium for you know what I don’t have to say

Co Q10 for heart and wrinkles Yep, wrinkles!

As for the spiritual we must laugh and love, give and receive…

Remember when we were young and sexy? No we didnt even appreciate it then, but now we do as we stroll through the pictures we once hated and notice now, we were beautiful!

Well kiddo we still are even though were all screwed up!! Find things to love about ourselves, how bout that sense of humor? or your singing voice, or that you are a great friend and listener, hey I can play the drums like a young rock and roll guy and still look like a hot chick…Now thats a feat.

We are here on this planet for reasons that we will be revealed to us later. I wish I could relieve all of the suffering away from my loved ones. But we all suffer and carry one another’s crosses, some secretly and prayerfully. I am no better than anyone else, I have my challenges and my crosses that I secretly bear and try to pretend they are not there. I hope it looks easy and I hope it is inspiring to those who have heavy crosses…If I can help my fellow-man or Woman that is my purpose…It’s kind of like the blind leading the blind though, I hope I don’t bump us into a tree.

 

LIVE LAUGH and LOVE LOUDLY

Tressalee

CHOCOLATE & SEX…SEX AND CHOCOLATE = LOVE

Published February 10, 2012 by tressalee

No matter how you say it, SEX & CHOCOLATE = equal LOVE.

Before a womans period (which is intertwined with sex because it’s the prelude to having babies) comes chocolate, a must have for a woman or she could commit harry-scary.

It calms down the cravings and crankiness of the hormonal cycle and makes us bearable to be around. Chocolate is a true aphrodisiac. It contains Tryptophan which is a building block for Serotonin. Phenylethylamine is related to amphetamine, which is released in the brain when people fall in love…the aha moment! Thats why your man is happy to buy chocolates for you, he doesn’t care about the extra pounds (thats your problem) he likes the side effects in the love department.

I believe our bodies have an intrinsic knowledge about what it needs. Cravings are there for a reason, like salt because we are usually dehydrated so we crave it. When a woman ovulates once a month the husband thinks he has hit the lottery. It’s her craving for procreation, but don’t forget the chocolate first and maybe stop by the condom aisle!

So it is fitting that Valentines Day and chocolate are synonymous with the whole LOVE thingy.

Go ahead and splurge when you feel the urge for chocolate, it’s a “Happy prescription” for the brain as well as the relationship.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY LOVERS!

Tressalee XX

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: