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All posts for the month July, 2010

Retro Relationship Ruckass

Published July 7, 2010 by tressalee

Uhoo! There’s trouble in paradise…It happens, mommie has that time of the month or maybe she is nearing that “Time” of life. Okay it can be hell for Hunny, the neighbors and the grocery clerk. No one is safe from the wrath of this crazed human being not even herself. As she looks in the mirror for one more wrinkle creeping in on her now frown lines (used to be laugh lines) she is even more furious.

Okay Momma calm down! The kids and hunny had nothing to do with this state your in. Remember “This too shall pass”. It is just for a short time (we pray). So we have to understand what is going on in our physiology that’s making life look distorted. Hunny didn’t say you had cellulite he said he said hand me that night lite. Now put down the knife!

Everything‘s alright, step away from the ledge of no return. Our mouths can and do, hurt more than that knife you were holding earlier. That applies to men and women.

Our hunnies have a way of left braining issues that we think are the end of the world, thank God because we emotionalize everything so much. Nearing the end of the problem you are in New York and hunnies in Texas (Figuratively speaking). So you can’t hear what the other is saying anyway.

Stop yelling! I know I do it too. I am learning to really SHHHSH and listen to reason. This is why God made the sexes different. We need guidance in the area of rational and they need our expertise at FEELING. Its a yin yang principal.

I always look back at my behavior and just cringe, thinking why didn’t I stop when I was ahead 10-0 me winner, hunny looser. When in all truth I am the looser because I go off half cocked and freak out until I run out of air. Not saying I didn’t start with a great point but lost my focus through the hormonal influx and total damnation with my tongue.”Have you ever done this”? I know what the answer is and there are no excuses here.

Most men sit there until the fit is over, like a hurricane barrelling through waiting for at least the eye, to get a word in edgewise. Better be quick the winds are whippin up again. Its hurricane mommie commin‘ inland!

Let’s remember to keep our head and the facts straight like a presentation. Make your points and have a goal, where the two of you want to reach without calling the cops. I joke about it but these tiffs can be life altering if we don’t fight fair. Everything isn’t fair in love and war. There are rules in every situation.

Rule 1. Make sure you know what your fighting for, is it worth it?

Rule 2. Are your facts correct?

Rule 3. If you are right and it is worth it, keep your tone calm, he can’t hear you if you start to scream like a hyena. Been there done it!

Rule 4. When stating your case do not mutilate your opponent, I mean hunny!
Points can be made without causing the other to seek counseling after.

Rule 5. Let him talk! (new concept).

Rule 6. Almost over, get ready for hot make-up sex. Sometimes guys are worse than girls when it comes to this. Depending on the damage done with the forked tongue.

Rule 7. Use the rocking chair test. You know, will this matter when your sitting in your rocking chair at the end of your life?

Well, if these tips help you I am happy.

Life is a great journey, enjoying one another as well as overcoming issues that’s the main goal. Working on relationships everyday whether its your spouse, boy/girlfriend, kids or neighbor we need diplomacy and to be mindful of the outcome instead of reacting like a big JERK! (I never).
Yes I have and we are works in progress.

Live, Love and Laugh Loudly

Retro Relationship

Published July 7, 2010 by tressalee

What is a “Retro Relationship”? Remember the 50’s, when mom used to wear her cooking mittens with her high heels? Her lips were as red as a pomegranate, as she would walk from the stove to the refrigerator the scent of Avon would linger in the air. Dinner was served at five everyday, dad would come home greeted with a kiss and a smile. The children were well behaved and we all said how grateful we were before digging in to our mashed potatoes.

Those memories were etched deeply into my being. I believe women have a great need to nurture, it is built into our DNA. That’s why God gave us the womb and desire. Since the dawn of the women’s movement the family has fallen into a great depression. There are more divorces and children who become alcoholics, drug addicts, never finish high school because of this family breakdown. This trickles into society in a very negative way and effects everyone!

I am here to save the day! The last three years I have been doing a private study, on how to keep your man happy and at home. This is the ultimate question, coming from a gal who has worked in the adult industry for over twenty years. I have been taking notes from my clients on what they need from us women. I got the Naked Truth, sometimes it was rough and freaky but I sorted it out and translated it into women’s language.

First thing, is simple, a man needs his woman’s attention! Let’s call him your first baby. Since we are born with the nurturing bone, we as women feel significant serving our man. Now society has tried to squelch our natural tendencies, telling us that serving your man is not good for a woman’s independence. What I witnessed as a child from my mother was service = LOVE. Jesus spoke of it in the bible, giving is living! We all feel great when we volunteer at our church or for a cause we believe in but what about our first obligation to our husbands?

A woman must build herself up as well with taking care of her body physically as well as emotionally. We cannot give out of an empty vessel. A healthy gal is a happy gal. So, I believe in exercise and eating as close to the earth as possible. I know it’s hard and McDonald’s is right there staring you in the face (who doesn’t love their fries)?

So lets try a day in the life of a Retro Relationship…Follow along, it’s easy if you do it with a grateful heart.

I wake up at five, sometimes I get up without my head being foggy but there’s coffee for that right? I go over all the things I am grateful for and how I have a wonderful life. It may be a good idea to make a list of the things you are grateful for such as; your kids are healthy (I pray that is true for most of you, I know its not always the case coming from a family with sick children) you have a car, a home that is provided by your loving husband/man, you are a beautiful and strong woman, last you can go shopping on his credit card! (my favorite). I am not shallow by any means.

Next… start breakfast for your hunny, what does he like? While he’s showering take time to primp and smell nummy before he gives you a morning kiss. You are beautiful and he loves you but its nice if you take the time for both of you. Oops, the stove! I have a habit of power cooking, sometimes breakfast is crispy. Keep in mind his long day and he has to deal with the world’s garbage and that is draining so he needs lots of protein for his brain to function. I set out my man’s vitamins so he doesn’t forget, in case the food is not so nutritious he gets supplements.

Remember you are a team and each player has an important role in making the family run smooth at its optimum potential.

Once in a while I make sure to serve him breakfast in bed. Think about it like an investment, where you put your energy you will get a great return. Just like money, it grows and so does LOVE!

Don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying serve a man who is not worth it, you have to access that before you start “The Retro Relationship”. Mom said “Do not give your pearls to swine”. I think she learned that from a higher source!

Kiss your Hunny goodbye and wish him a safe travel. You may have to get to your own job now. We have many jobs that no one knows about and we will never tell because that would be a job in itself. Repeating that litany of chores, its easier just to do them. Before you run, make sure the crock pot is full of something. Throw veggies and meat in 6 hours later …dinner is done! God is good to us, he gave women the CROCK POT.

If you are a lucky woman and get to stay home, I am jealous! You really get to put on the show for hunny. Every man loves a show, make sure you are the main attraction. We will call you the star. He will too!

Getting to the household chores, they are a b-tch and we don’t feel or look sexy doing them. No body has to see this, thank God! We are scrubbing the floor with our hair stuck to our forehead, sweat dripping down our back, stinking to high heaven. Some guys might actually like that look.

During this time, I am making mental notes on what I will wear later and what fun we are gonna have this evening. If I left this up to him we would eat, go to the computer and then sleep. I cannot let hm do that every night. So I schedule something fun, even if its a dance lesson off of You Tube. He will follow the itinerary. Guys just need a little push, push I said not a shove. I tried that, it did not work!

His arrival! I feel like a puppy sometimes, wagging my tail and tongue hanging out, okay I’m exaggerating but you get the picture. I am happy to see him as he walks through the door he has a smile, I know he missed me too! I help him remove his work shoes and give his feet a massage and cuddle him on the couch. I have his dinner under the warmer or in his spot on the table. I turn on some fun music, he may swing me around the floor before we sit down. We never forget our prayers of thanks before we eat our mashed potatoes.

I clean out his lunch box and get it ready for the next day. By now your thinking, that’s a lot of work. I agree, but its worth it. He can’t do it all by himself. Out of his own mouth, the man who said he never wanted to get married said “OH! this is why guys get married”. Trust me, when he’s out of town working, he comes back so skinny, then he’s cranky, his work suffers and me too. He’s too tired to have sex and I cant live with that. Yes ladies, I said sex, we love and need it too!

After our dance lesson, it may be time to run him a bath and wash his hair. I will bring in some wine and candles will be lit just around the edge of the tub. He usually falls asleep for a while until pruned nicely.

Bed time now, of course I will wear my blue Victoria Secret sexy slip. I like high heels where ever I go. Yep, even to bed! Gotta do what makes you feel sexy. Gently apply some scented lotion to your dereire and tummy. He will want to lay his head on either side is nice. Ahh! another day is complete in the world of Retro Relaitonship.

Remember, a woman’s job is the most important one. When a man is satisfied through his tummy and his other tingly parts, he is a more productful human being at his job and a happier hunnyand father. There is no questions if you are raising children in this atmosphere, that they will get the positve affects from your love the benifits reach far into the future. The world will be a better place thanks to Retro relationships!

P.S. If you try these tips, your love will teach and he will follow.

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